One Crazy Cook
by Swag Giraffe
Summary: Firenze is a knife-happy, fire-crazed Expert Cook that works at Alfredo's Bistro. The Master is out of town, and Flapjack's had just about enough of her. Random and humorous one-shot, no pairings whatsoever.


**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-**

**I'm so excited that I found this archive. XD Meeheehee... I've been squealing about it for days. And so I wrote this fluffy, humorous(?) one-shot for pretty much no reason except that I REALLY WANTED TO. I've honestly had more time for writing than reading these days, and I write what I can. However, I've been suffering from a severe lack of inspiration and bout of writer's block on nearly everything I'm writing. But I WILL SUCCEED. And my musical just ended! like, this evening! It was amazing. Such an awesome experience, fantastic people, and great music with a fabulous audience. We even opened one of our dress rehearsals for cheaper, because we sold out so early, and it filled right up to the brim too! :D Anyhoo, you don't want my Life story (;P), you want a Life story! (OOOH, see what I did there?! XP I need to get a Life...)**

**Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form own Fantasy Life or anything associated with it. (If I did, the only thing I think I'd change about it is that I'd add some form of musical Life. ;) :D)**

**Enjoy!**

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The fire crackled, licking the bottom of the Iron Frying Pan wielded by an Expert Cook. She flicked her wrist happily, tossing the Eggy Fried Rice in progress.

"Careful with that fire, Firenze!" A voice warned from the service counter in Alfredo's Bistro.

"I know, I know, Flapjack! I am! Geez." Firenze tossed the contents of her frying pan again and tossed the tiniest bit of Magic Powder into the flame beneath it, teasing her co-worker as it flared up.

"Firenze!" Flapjack whined, shying as far away from the cooking station as he could.

"Ahaha, sorry!" The young woman apologized mockingly, cackling. She pulled the pan off of the stove and plated the completed dish, humming happily.

"Anytime now would be nice." Flapjack's complaining voice filtered back to the scarlet haired woman, and she shook her head, causing the Potluck Helm on her cranium to swing back and forth.

"I'll give you the dish when it's ready!" She shouted, and the young man sighed, crossing his arms.

"But there's a customer waiting!"

"And I bet they'd rather wait for quality than have it soon!" Firenze answered, grinning as she garnished the dish.

Flapjack sighed yet again, and the young Cook rolled her eyes. He woke up in a cranky mood today.

Balancing the plate delicately on her outstretched palm, Firenze waltzed over to Flapjack, setting the dish on the counter. Looking him smugly in the eye, she grinned and announced, "One Superior Eggy Fried Rice!"

"Yay!" A blond young man ran up and snatched the plate, tossing a few Dosh on the counter and running back to his table.

Laughing, Firenze trotted back to the cooking station and rubbed her hands together. "Now, what shall we create…?"

"Hey Firenze, we need some Boiled Veggies over h-"

"BOOOOOILEEED VEGGIEEEESS!" Firenze screamed excitedly, pumping her fist in the air. "I'm on it, Flapjack ol' pal!"

The blond young man sighed and turned back to face the patrons of Alfredo's Bistro, cupping his chin in his hand as he rested his elbow on the counter. "I really wish Alfredo would fire her…" He mourned. The normally rather kindhearted soul had been pushed to his limit by the Cook that Alfredo had begun to train two months ago. She was loud, and accidents seemed to follow her wherever she went… and she loved her knives and fire far too much. Her past experience as an Alchemist, Magician, Mercenary and Angler made the young man suspicious, and caused her to do weird things to the fire on the stove. He just hoped her track record of sporadically changing Lives kept up.

Firenze grabbed an enormous knife, spinning it a couple of times before taking one of the carrots needed for the recipe. Grinning like a maniac, she chopped it expeditiously, tossing the bits into the stockpot in a single fluid motion. Humming a loud ditty as she worked, the young woman diced the other carrot required and picked up a pair of broccoli florets. Slicing the broccoli, she scooped it up and dropped it into the stockpot mindlessly. After prepping two mountain mushrooms, she added them along with some water, stirring the mixture as it came to a boil on the stovetop. Twirling the knife boredly that she still hadn't set down, she waited for the veggies to finish.

"Would you please stop playing with that knife?! You're going to hurt yourself!" Flapjack's pleas fell upon near-deaf ears as Firenze just kept tossing the blade, sticking it into the cutting board and pulling it out again.

"Get a Life, Flapjack!"

When the veggies were properly boiled, Firenze strained them, plated them, and slid them into the counter beside Flapjack's elbow.

"Superior Boiled Veggies!" She sang out happily, skipping back to the cooking station.

Flapjack sighed as the woman that had ordered the veggies took them, paid, and left to enjoy her meal. "When will Master Alfredo be back…?"

The carefree young cook behind him just ignored his negative tone, cooking up more dishes and throwing her knife around. "He's only in Port Puerto at that Cook Conference - no biggie, Flapjack. You and I are having tons of fun! Right?!"

Flapjack turned to see her grinning at him, knife laying in the palm of her hand. He gulped and forced what he deemed a smile onto his face, although it looked more like a terrified grimace. "Y-Yeah, sure we are!"

"Oh good!" The possibly slightly insane Expert Cook stabbed the knife into the cutting board and stacked up a bunch of puddings and quiche, tucking them into her backpack.

"Um, what are you doing?" Flapjack inquired warily.

Firenze didn't look over at him as she responded, "Out. I'm selling some stuff. Can always use the extra Dosh, eh?"

Flapjack blinked slowly, "Um, I guess…?"

Hoisting her bag onto her shoulder, the girl started for the exit. "Tell Sizzle if you need anything!"

The Sous Chef Plushling nodded from his corner of the kitchen, "Yes, Sizzle can help!"

"Aw, see how nice he is?" Winking at the pink creature, Firenze waved at Flapjack. "Later!"

The young man groaned, and inhaled deeply. "She's gone…" He rejoiced quietly.

Firenze skipped along the road of the Castele Shopping District, taking a deep breath of the growing autumn air. Straightening her pink Chef's Gown and Apron, she hummed loudly as she approached the Meat Monger.

"Hey there, Firenze!" The shopkeeper greeted her cheerily, and she saluted.

"Hallo! I come bearing foods." Firenze dug in her pack and produced the dishes she'd created.

The shopkeeper smiled, and the red headed girl had no trouble at all selling the Superior dishes for a fair amount of Dosh.

"See you tomorrow, my good man!" Firenze called out as she trotted back toward the Bistro.

"Goodbye, Firenze!"

Firenze opened the door to the Bistro, and nearly ran into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She apologized.

The young man she'd run into looked up, smiling. "Oh, it's no problem, that was my fault."

Firenze nodded, "Good good. Well then, lemme get outta your way!" She stepped aside, and the boy (who was a Carpenter, by the looks of it), nodded to thank her and went on his way.

Firenze turned to enter the kitchen and almost completely forgot about the young man except for one thing she realized suddenly - he'd had a butterfly on his neck. A butterfly, just walking around like it was a bowtie or something!

"Gee whiz," She muttered as she tossed some Magic Powder into the fire, effectively ticking off and terrifying Flapjack. "What's his problem?"

As she equiped her Iron Frying pan again, she sighed happily. Who cared about that kooky dude? If he wanted to wear a sparkling, very much alive-looking butterfly, that was his problem. Flapjack was cranky, Sizzle was adorable, Alfredo was out of town enjoying himself and she was in charge of the kitchen. Life couldn't get much better, in her eyes. Unless she got ahold of some Sleep Powder for the fire… Oh yes. Life was good, indeed.

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**How did you like it? (Yes, I tricked you all, and Firenze isn't even the player character, BWAHAHAHHAHAHAH! XD) Ah man, I am far too pleased. I know this one-shot is pretty much junk, ehehe, but I rather like it (possibly because Firenze is rather like me). ^-^" **

**Anyhoo, please review and tell me what you thought of my first ever Fantasy Life fan fiction! :D Good, bad, tips, I love it all. :) Except flames. Don't flame, please, Not nice. **

**Ciao!**

**~Swaggy-chan**


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